Thursday, September 27, 2007

Love me, love me, say that you love me.


I have recently started a new job working with children who no longer live with their families due to neglect, abuse, death, or jail. Although I haven’t been working there for long I have already noticed that most of the children have attachment disorders (or at least symptoms of attachment issues). I can see how the kids find it really difficult to form relationships with other people, especially adults. One child is too frightened of rejection or of getting “too close” that he purposely avoids entering interpersonal relationships. I suppose it is a way for him to protect himself from getting hurt emotionally again. Another child wants so desperately to be close to others that he clings and almost takes the relationship too far (in inappropriate ways). This child wants so badly to be loved. Which got me thinking, is being loved one of the most important things a human could ever need? And I started to think the answer was in fact.. yes. I know we need the basic survival tools like food, shelter and water, but what use are these things if we have no one to share them with? I know I’d prefer to spend my life in only several days with my loved ones (with no basic essentials) then live a full life alone with all the food and water I needed.
I so often take for granted the fact that I have a family that love me unconditionally. I just assume that everyone does. But sometimes I open my eyes and see that this is not the case. And then I feel guilty. Because I know I couldn’t be the person I am today if I didn’t have the love and support of my parents. They taught me how to love myself, and so now I am able to fully love others. I don’t think anything feels as good as knowing (and I mean KNOWING) that if you fall, someone you love is there to always catch you. For me, I know my secure attachment came from the unconditional love I received from my Mummy and Daddy, and for that I’ll be forever grateful.
So my challenge for you all this week, (me being in this lovey dovey mood) is for you all to tell someone today (at least one person) how much you love them… go on it’ll be fun!

Clare x

7 comments:

Mrs. Freud said...

Hi Clare,
That was a very insightful post. Its very sad some of the things these children have to go through, because one of the things i've experienced from both of my parents is that as i grew up i could do things to upset them, or they could be angry at me, but they'd never stop loving me. That unconditional love is like a safety net that holds us and protects us from completely crashing when life throws obstacles at us. Love is one of the most powerful and influential experiences in life- it can break your heart! Esp as romantic love can be short lived, but the love of your family and friends should be ever present! We dont even realise how lucky we are until we stop to think about it.
-Lauren x

Rebecca said...

Hi Clare,

your posting really touched me, I totally agree with your comments and I found this really interesting article which supports your ideas: http://psychcentral.com/library/id445.html - if you get time copy the address into your browser and have a look.

One of the comments in the article which made me think about my own life is: "People who are loved during life die satisfied".

If we model the right behaviours to our own children and open our hearts to others then the world will be a happier place ;-)

Cheers,

Rebecca

Michelle said...

Hi Clare, the title of your posting grabbed me initially then I found your experience with the children at work really enlightening. I truly believe that love is what makes this world go around. As Lauren stipulated the love of our family and friends is ever present and we should embrace and foster that relationship. I watched an interview not long ago with Catherine Zeta Jones and she made a comment which stuck with me. She said too often we can be so nice to complete strangers yet be rude or dismissive of those who are closest to us. I believe this to be true and so am more cognisant of this when other factors come into play like tiredness, too busy and don't make the time to listen really listen to someone close. Life is simply too precious not too. We all start out in this world as tabula rasas blank slates and so many variables like heritage, environment, culture and experiences shape and influence who we are. Some are more fortunate then others with their experiences and others are presented with many adversities. I read a card one time that said 'friends are the family we choose for ourselves'. So for those who don't have the support of their family I hope that they build on a network of acquaintances then work towards a trusted person then a friend. Thats what I would like to see for those who don't have the support of a loving family and friends. Thanks for sharing x Shell

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